“I could be pro in the WNBA.” – Nima Jalali

“Hey, why does she have a bright yellow truck?” – Nima

“That board box is gonna be the perfect bed for someone.” – Nima

“DUDE! She’s bigger than that!” – Joe Ward

“I would never make it as a chick, cause I’m not good at lying.” – Joe Ward

“I’m down for mass genocide.” – Hatim Abdelhadi

“Hatim’s middle name is Bashit. Ha Ha! What a dickhead!” – Quince Ruark in a text message

“That’s a clown right there.”- Lewis looking a photo of Theotis Beasley

“Yeah, he’s here. . . I’m feedin him applesauce.” – Theotis Beasley pretending to talk to lewis’ mom

“Oli put a dead bird on my bed.” – Desiree Melancon

“The other day I sneezed and hit my head on my desk. And my teacher laughed at me.” – Desiree

“You’re not a princess anymore. You’re like a cowgirl.” – Lance Hakker to Desiree

“Do you drive that car still, what’s it called? The Embarrasser.” – Greg Bokencamp to Desiree

“Pancake saturday. Left foot, wrong turn.” – Kenny Ray pretending to be in the head of a “friend”

“I guessed 10,000.” – Nick Russel on how many people were at Mammoth opening day

“What’s that big monkeys name. . . Uh King Kong.” – Nick Dirks

“That’s not the cue ball, Nima.” – Nick

“What did I hit in?” – Nima playing pool

“I know, he peer pressured me in like 30 seconds.” – Nick about Lance

“Remember when Nick peed on Jake’s face.” – Sean “Bubble Boy” McCormick

“I like fuckin’ Darth Vadar, so get used to it!” – Nick

“You’re gonna get high, then youre gonna eat, then youre gonna go play. How can you get paranoid?” – Nick

“I can kick every single person in this car in the face, no joke, without jumping.” – Lance

“she was like, ‘what lane?’ and I was like, ‘uh 7.’ and she was like, ’prince?” – Lance

“Are you gonna wear your shirt tucked in tonight?” – Lance pretending to be Dan Rhoades

“Brandon Jennings sucka, cause I’m on a Brandon Jennings high. Naw mean?” – Lance on his temporary favorite basketball player

“But, doesn’t that horse take a really long time to pass the finish line.” – Lance

“Did my beanie really just fly out the window.” – Lance in a bus

“Have you guys ever had vanilla ice cream with nerds? WOO! WOOO! WOO!” – Anonymous

“You’re like a family guy character.” – Jed Anderson to Jake Olson-Elm

“You need to treat me to something else tomorrow too.” – Jed to Nima

“Being a baby in a womb is probably so mellow.” – Jake

“I’m gonna shit my pants, no ones gonna be happy then.” – Will Tuddenham

“Is that crane asada?” – Jake

“Is that steak?” – Jake about carne asada

“The one time I don’t have farts to retaliate with.” – Jon Kooley when everyone else was farting

“Lance go to the bathroom!” – Jordan Mendenhall

“Hey, where are your homies? Did they crash? Can we draw on them?” – Brandon Phillips about Jon, Jordan and Sean

“I live on skid row, and this bitch wants me to buy her a drink.” – Austin “AXIMAL” Sherbanenko

“Tank belongs in a zoo. Just for viewing.” – Lance

“And here we have a wild tank.” – Kenny